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There were those who thought I should have "made" him take medication for his increasing depression. Or called the authorities to hospitalize him - again. But I couldn't. I wasn't his mother, I was his companion, his lover, and I could not completely compromise the respect and honor I had always given him by becoming solely his caretaker and, in effect, parent. It was a nightmare.

But even in the end, when things were rough, my favorite place, with my partner, was sitting at his feet. I never knew how he felt about this, although he always said that he loved how submissive and receptive I was sexually, and he certainly appreciated a loyal and devoted woman after his divorce.

Often, when we would watch a show...or sit and talk...I would sit at his feet. I loved looking up to him when we would talk. He would stroke my hair or play with my ponytail. I could rub my face on his leg. Sometimes I would sit up on my knees and just rest my head in his lap, and he would stroke my shoulders. I was never more comfortable than when I sat at his feet.

But I never voiced these feelings. He never commented on why I liked to sit there.

I wish I had the opportunity to speak with him about these matters now. I wish he knew, really knew, how much strength I got from his very presence in my life. His gentle wisdom. His amazing foresight. His ability to look into the future and see what would be best for me. His ability to be the eye in the storm. His strength - physical and mental. The feeling of deferring to him and feeling safe once I had. Yes, the feeling of utter safety within his embrace. Coming home to him after a long day and knowing that now everything would be alright because my man was in charge.

However, people’s personal resistance to assuming dominance can be based on many things – perhaps a reluctance to assume greater responsibility or greater engagement. Perhaps being completely unmoved personally by this kind of dynamic. In these sorts of cases then I think personal aspects of the individual will subvert any attempts by a wife who is acting ‘as if’. As we agreed, the man’s reaction will be determined by him, not by what his wife hopes for. There are any number of possible reactions. It may go completely contrary to what was hoped for. The woman behaving in a manner which indicates she is fulfilled and satisfied may give the man licence to be even more uninvolved.


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Last-modified: 2021-12-25 (土) 00:14:07 (350d)